Update on Me

I'm still very depressed and still waiting for my ECT. Caught up in complications as I need funding for a support worker to be with me when I have my sessions. My CPN is working on this funding and keeps promising me I'll soon be treated, but I don't believe him.

I'm at the end of my tether and my foster sister has been very ill, we almost lost her. I have loads of stresses with money and family and life is just very, very hard for me. Fingers crossed I'll get the ECT soon.

Fat Quarter Giveaway

Visit The Chester County Criswell Quilt for a fat quarter giveaway.

My ***NEW*** Etsy Shop

Please check out my new Etsy shop: Jo Jo Sew And Sew.
So far I have Amigurumi kits and wallets and purses. Have a look see :)

Still Waiting...

I'm still waiting for a date for my first ECT session. I should hear more after the Easter break. It has been weeks since I asked for it and I really thought it would be over and done with now. With April fast approaching, I'm getting more and more anxious about it.
The reduction of my antidepressant is going well. Only problem is I'm eating a lot more as the dose I was on seriously suppressed my appetite. Some self discipline is needed !

Bloglovin'

Google Reader and Google Friend Connect will soon be closing down. So please follow my blog with Bloglovin'

New (To Me) Knitting & Crochet Books

Here is a list of newly acquired knitting and crochet books. My depression retail therapy!

Felted Phone Purse

Here's what I made recently using left over yarn from the felted slippers (2 posts down).










Free pattern available here.

My Visit To The ECT Hospital

My appointed Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) took me to Callington Road Hospital where they do the ECT I should soon be getting. I had several tests done (ECG, blood tests, blood pressure, reflex tests and a memory test).
I was seen by a lovely nurse, funny junior doctor and informative psychiatrist. He thinks with my type of treatment resistant depression I have a 50% to 70% chance of the ECT being effective. I really do hope so.
They gave me lots of literature to read and told me they'd see me soon. So I'm quite hopeful and kind of excited about it, which must seem strange to some.

New Slippers Pour Moi

I finished making these this morning. Knitted slipper and crocheted flowers, felted in the washing machine.

Free pattern here


Magnolia Slippers

ECT on the horizon :)

Well my psychiatrist has welcomed my want/need of ECT (electro convulsive therapy). I'm so pleased. First I will visit the hospital where they carry out the procedure and get a chance to ask questions of the clinicians there. If I am satisfied with the whole idea, I'll be ready to go with the ECT. He said I will receive about up to 8 sessions. Depending on how it works, I may need less. I expect this all to happen within the next few weeks. I really need to try this. I feel like it's my last option. I know I shouldn't pin too much hope on it, in case it doesn't work. But trying to remain positive and believe it will work

I have also started reducing one of my antidepressants as I am on a high dose (375mg) of Venlafaxine (Effexor). It doesn't work. I am drug treatment resistant. So now I take 300mg daily. I will do this for a couple of weeks, then reduce by 75mg more, and so on. The hope is I can come of it completely without experiencing the terrible side effects of withdrawal. Then I can work on coming of the other antidepressant, Fluanxol. I currently take 3mg of this. In higher doses it's used as an antipsychotic, but at 1 to 3mg it's used for depression and anxiety.

After all of the above, I need to tackle the hardest one; coming off Diazepam (Valium). I am well and truly addicted to this, and abuse it on occasion to go to sleep or reduce high anxiety, which means I often run out before my next prescription is due and I have terrible withdrawal symptoms. I will need to do this reduction very slowly and with much care. But if I do it right I will eventually be drug free. This will be the first time in 20 years, and the idea of it is amazing to me. I believe that these drugs have done me more harm than good and I get no relief from them, so it's time to get rid of the whole lot. I do expect, though, to still take sleeping tablets, but I can live with that.

That's it for now. Will update when I visit the hospital. :)

Psychiatry Appointment Today

I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist in about 2 and a half hours. I'm really hoping he'll have some good news about electro convulsive therapy (ECT) for me. I still feel really desperate and suicidal. If I don't get the ECT I don't know what I will do.

On a brighter note, I have been doing my crochet squares for The Art of Crochet magazine throw, I also knitted and crocheted some felted slippers. I just need to sew the flowers on. They look really cosy. Picture to follow soon. Today I'm going to do some crochet using string to make a box. it's from the book Simply Crochet by Erika Knight (see My Book Collection to the left hand side to order from Amazon.co.uk). The boxes are edged with fabric and look really funky in the book, I hope mine works out just as well.

I have a bunch of queued projects to do, mainly knitting and crochet. A funky felted scarf and a lovely granny square blanket called Mixed Berries from the Garnstudio free pattern collection.

I'll post pics soon of completed projects and new books. Have been naughty and bought loads of craft books over the last few months. But hey, it makes me feel better. Craft retail therapy! Shame you can't get that on the National Health Service :)

Here Kitty

Here are 2 hats I made recently. Click pics for pattern links and more details.

Kittie Hat


Crocheted Jewelled Slouchy Hat

Assessment

Well the man from the mental health assessment team came. He didn't give me much hope about ECT helping me. He said in his experience ECT doesn't usually help my type of depression, despite the fact that all my research has been saying that it DOES help long term treatment resistant depression, like mine....

He will speak to the consultant psychiatrist and I should get an appointment with him/her. Soon I hope. I can't hold on much longer.

He will also make a referral for getting a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) to visit on a regular basis.

I still really want the ECT. Kind of pinning all my hopes on it. I hope I get it. Fingers crossed.

Deep Depression

I haven't posted in a long time because I've been really sick. I'm not working again and have fallen into the abyss of a massive suicidal depression. I should get an assessment from the mental health services team soon. I want to be be referred for electro convulsive therapy also known as ECT.

This is very controversial I know, but has shown to be effective in treating severe, treatment resistant depression like mine. I'm willing to take the side effects, like short term memory loss, or even long term memory loss, but I really need to get back to me.

Depression has robbed me of most of my life. I am now nearly 40 years old and I have no career, no partner, and saddest of all, no children.

I really hope they will give me ECT. I will keep you updated.

On a brighter noted I have been crafting a little. So far I have knitted two cat ear hats (one for a friend, one for me), a crocheted hat using jewel coloured variegated yarn from Lion brand, and lastly my first crocheted square for a throw project from the magazine The Art of Crochet. Will post pictures of these soon...

Single Again

The Man from Somerset has left me. It's too complicated and sad to go into right now. I'll leave that for another time (or not at all). Somehow, I have ended up arranging to go on a date with a new man this Sunday. I'll do the dating thing for a while and not get serious about any one person straight away. I need to protect myself from being hurt again and the consequential loss of confidence. I'll let you know how the date goes.

Struggling

I'm beginning to struggle with work. It's such a hard, target driven environment, and I won't "graduate" for some time as I'm not hitting my set targets.

I'm looking for other work, the kind of stuff I'm more qualified for. I want more social hours (9am to 5pm) rather than working till 8.30pm every day. I don't get home till gone 9pm, and I miss my 2 day weekend as I have to work Saturdays.

The Man From Somerset is still in my life and I saw him last weekend as his course hadn't started properly and he hates where he is and wanted to come home. He's visiting friends at the moment but I should see him again on Tuesday. Yay!

I miss him a lot when he's gone and not looking forward to next year as he will be in Paris on placement. So it's just going to get harder.

But we talk and Skype as often as possible, but it's not the same as cuddling up on the sofa together and just sharing those moments of togetherness and intimacy.

I haven't sewn or knitted anything for so long, I'm beginning to think maybe I'm not a crafter after all. I need to make so many things. Keep buying lovely fabric I can't afford and it's just all piling up and doing nothing but collecting dust.

My flat is a mess. I still haven't cleared out or tidied up and now it is beginning to bug me. Before, when I was really depressed, it just didn't seem to matter... Now it matters. But where do I get the motivation from? Work takes all my motivation and energy. I am depleted of all get up and go.

So the search is on within myself to get the motivation. Get the GET UP AND GO attitude and work on it hard. I need to make my environment, my sanctuary, a happier, cleaner more ordered place. May be if I do that, my mind will settle more and I will be motivated to craft.

I can't call myself depressed, but I feel I'm teetering on the edge of the precipice again....

Wish my luck that I manage to walk away from it and not fall in.

Giveaway: Paper Smooches Stamps!

Click here to win 1 set of Vogue Abode Stamps, shindig card, new digs card, miss you card and mini sofa card.

Birthday Celebrations And Saying Goodbye...

Well, I had a brilliant birthday. I celebrated on the day with friends as I had to work till 9pm. We talked and had sparkling wine. It was great. Then work the next day until 6.30pm. Met The Man From Somerset, went to this great bar and restaurant called The Canteen. Friends and family, food, live music, dancing and drinking. A good night had by all.

It was my last night with The Man From Somerset. And there really couldn't have been any better way to enjoy the moment.

We said goodbye at the train station in pouring rain and wind. It was sad, but I'm so happy to be in his life. We Skype, talk and message. So the communication is still there. Just wish I could see him every weekend rather than every 5 weeks or so. It's such a good feeling being with him though I cant let him go, and he doesn't want to let me go either...

Anxious....

I start my new job today and I'm nervous. At least I've got The Man from Somerset with me.

We have spent a really long weekend together and had a really fun time. Lots of laughs and fun times experienced.

But still very nervous about this new job, even though it's the same as what I was doing before, it's been a month since I last made a fundraising call I feel like a newbie. First three days are training days so should be pretty painless, but then we are on a cold calling campaign.

Wish me luck, please!

New Job Starts Soon and Last Weekend Review

My new job as a Charity Telephone Fundraiser starts on Tuesday 11th September. Back to antisocial hours and hard graft. I'm looking forward to it though and I really need to be earning (mortgage, bills, fabric, etc.)

My long weekend with The Man From Somerset was a blast! We had so much fun and I'm seeing him again this weekend for another long weekend - last but one before he moves away from the area :(

So not much time for crafting though I have recently bought a Simplicity Deluxe Felting Machine from Amazon.co.uk (£199.50). See pic below.

You can buy the Simplicity Deluxe Felting Machine from My Book Collection list to the left hand side of the blog.

Also see this Crafty Gemini video for how it works and what it can do.

Can't wait till it arrives and I can do some projects. Haven't much wool roving though, but you can also use strands of wool yarn and I have some of that.

Bye for now. X

Giveaway: 12 Kawaii Christmas Fabrics by Modes4U

Craft Gossip Modes 4U Kawaii Christmas Fabrics Giveaway
Open Worldwide and ends September 30th 2012
Click link above to enter the giveaway, there are 3 chances to enter. Also see Modes 4U Shop

Sewing Secrets Blog

Sewing Secrets

From Coats & Clark. Great site for special sewing tips

Got the Job! & Visiting The Man From Somerset Soon

I got the job! Start week beginning 10th September or 17th September. Excited that I'll be in work again soon and earning (I owe people so much money!).

Visiting The Man From Somerset on Friday until Monday. It will be the longest time we've ever spent together, but he'll be leaving the area soon so we want to make the most of the time we have left.

Generally very happy and contented.

Watch this space, you may see some sewing projects put up soon...

Don't hold your breath! :)

Another Job Interview and Man from Somerset Back Tomorrow

I've managed to get another job interview. Telephone fundraising again, less hours and less well paid than the other job I had previously, but hell I'll do it if I get it! It's at 12.30pm Tuesday 28th August. Send positive vibes for then readers (if I have any !).

If that's unsuccessful, there is another interview set up for Wednesday 29th August at 10.00am. Again telephone fundraising and not as well paid, and much less hours. But if I don't get the first I'll go for it.

The "Man from Somerset" comes back to the UK tomorrow and I can't wait to see him. Have missed him a lot. We've sent messages back and forth and Skyped. He says he has missed me too. Which is what I wanted to hear. I probably won't see him until later on next week, as he'll need to recover from jet lag. But it will be great when we do meet up.

Didn't Get The Job

Says it all in the title... Oh well, onto the next one I guess.

Job Assessment & Possible Interview

I have an assessment for a job on Friday 24th August. If the assessment is successful, I'll get an interview. It's a varied administration job, doesn't pay that well but if I get it, it will do for now.

I got sacked from my last job as a charity telephone fundraiser because I took too much sick leave in 7 weeks. It is completely my fault, but they were also at fault and did not follow their policy on sick leave. I should have been at the written warning stage, but they decided to "end my assignment" there and then.

Anyway, I decided one of two things - either retreat back to lying on the sofa for another 3 and a half years - depressed and anxious all the time, or keep going... I went for keep going. I have two fundraiser interviews lined up and two administration jobs to apply for. So there are opportunities available to me.

Things still going well with new man, he's abroad at the moment visiting his dad, but we have Skyped and hopefully will again soon.

I basically feel pretty good and hopeful.

Please send positive vibes readers.

New Cath Kidston 2013 Diary

Cath Kidston Diary 2013

Bought as soon as it came out, with £3.00 off at Amazon. Very pretty design, includes notes pages, small perforated tear out notes, address book and covered in vinyl cover with zip lock pocket to side. Lovely Cath Kidston floral designs. I LOVE Cath Kidston.

The grand first few dates

Well the man from Somerset phoned me up last Monday asking if I wanted to meet spontaneously. We were supposed to meet the following Sunday. So we met and had a fabulous time, talking and drinking and laughing. We did kiss and it was lovely.

Then I saw him Saturday and Sunday of this weekend just passed. Another great time, lots of talking and laughing with each other and our stories, and at Peep Show (if you haven't seen it, search for it on 4oD - it's so funny).

I feel really hopeful about this man. It's going so well and no messing around like the man before. He was a mess. This one is more sorted out, intelligent and extremely grown up for his age.

So life is good. (But I did lose my job, will tell you about that another time...)

Things never go the way you expect them to.... and some good news

I was seeing this man I really liked for a month. Things were going well and I thought we were on the same page and had the same feelings. But he contacted me last week when we were supposed to be having a date to say "I don't think I can give you what you desire at the moment..." Blah, blah, blah. Arrggghhh!

I was absolutely gutted and sent back some angry texts, for which I have now apologised for, but no reply...

I drank a lot of alcohol last week to drown my sorrows. I had obviously invested too much emotion in this man and was on a real downer. Then I thought enough is enough, there are 100's of people out there that are potential matches, (plenty more fish in the sea...)

To cut a long story short - I'm meeting a rather lovely man on Sunday for lunch in his home town in Somerset. He's a doctor, but much younger than me, which doesn't seem to faze him one bit as he says that he doesn't have much in common with women his age. He's very intelligent and well spoken, has lovely eyes and hair. We have texted a lot and have had two long telephone conversations in the last four days. Like I said plenty more fish in the sea and this one has well and truly been caught on my hook!

I will, of course, take it MUCH slower if it works out, than I did with the previous man, don't want to get burned like that again. Or end up looking at the bottom of several cans of cider once more. I'll keep my options open as well. But I do feel a spark and we can talk really easily. And he makes me laugh as well. So it's all good.

Wish me luck please fellow readers....

Patchwork Tray - Tutorial

Came across this

Source: jennicanknit.blogspot.fr via Jowyn on Patchwork Tray Tutorial

.

Looks like an easy and cool make.

Status Update

I'm feeling good and a lot more like myself again. Things are changing and they are all good. New paths to take, new horizons.

Stash Happy Appliqué - New Book

New book for my ever expanding craft book collection. I tell you some of my book shelves are starting to bow! One day I'll be found under a pile of sewing and craft books :)

Stash Happy Appliqué: 25 Fresh Projects For Fabric Lovers: Front Cover


Stash Happy Appliqué: 25 Fresh Projects For Fabric Lovers: Back Cover

Forgot to mention...

... that my date went really well. We clicked and had a really nice time. Seeing him again in the week. Been texting each other quite a bit and generally getting on well. I'm so excited !

Survived First Week Of Work

Well I managed my first week at my new job and survived, just a shame I have to work on Saturdays and my day off during the week is Tuesday. So back to work tomorrow then a day off, then 4 days in a row of work. The people there are REALLY nice and helpful and always willing to help you out when you go wrong. Managed to actually get some yes's (spelling?) to my asks and made the charity I'm working on some money. So feel more confident and finding that I actually enjoy it. It's nice talking to people all day as long as they're nice! You get some really grumpy people which I can understand... Overall it's been a good experience. Just hope I pass the probation ok and don't get sacked after 2 weeks!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

I've Got A Date !

As if getting a job wasn't enough, I've now got a date tonight. I'm really nervous as it's the first date I've been on for 4 years. We are meeting local to me which is good, in a familiar place to me. He seems like a really nice man and I'm keen to know more about him. Wish me luck :)

I've Got A Job !

I did ok in the interview, but was sure it would be a no. An hour after interview, they called me to say I got it!!! I was so surprised. Now I'm just really pleased to be back in the job market and earning more money. Now I'll be able to meet my financial commitments and live ok.

I'm scared I'll get burned out though. It's been over 3 years since I worked. So it will be a shock to the system. I'm worried I'll find the telephone work a little too repetitive, but it will do until I find something better.

Overall I'm very pleased :)

Possibility of New Man on the Horizon

I had a really long, good and funny conversation over the phone with one of the matches on the dating site. He's 44, lives in Bristol, is a student and volunteer teacher of mature students. We had an easy rapport over the phone (previous to talking we texted a lot). He made me laugh and he's clever and self-assured. I like him and he's going to call me tomorrow and we'll arrange a date to meet... Nervous about that as I haven't been on a date in 4 years. But I think there could be a spark between us so I remain hopeful. Wish me luck !

Job Interview !

I've got a job interview for the post of Telephone Fundraiser. It's on Thursday 28th June at 3pm BST. Anyone reading this please send positive vibes, as I'm really nervous about it. Haven't had an interview since February.

Got my fingers secretly crossed :)

Changes

I've been making a few changes and doing more recently.

I joined a dating website and have had a couple of conversations with a couple of guys. I even met one of them and he is really nice and I hope to meet him again...

I'm making a red, needlecord, birdie printed dress from a Clothkits kit for my best friend's little girl who is turning 4 on Tuesday. So better hurry up with it to get it in the post on time! I got it at a bargain price from Hobbycraft. They are selling it at a much cheaper price than the Clothkits site.

I've prepared (pre-washed) the fabrics for my sister's long ago promised Kindle cover. See this post. I bought some coordinating buttons to go with the fabrics (purples).

All in all I am feeling a little better. Still need some help. I'll be seeing a mental health nurse on 2nd July, so I haven't had to wait that long. But this is only an assessment. It could take weeks for any plan of action to be put in place...

Jennifer's Jumbles GIVEAWAY

Pop over to Jennifer's Jumbles Giveaway to enter for a chance to win this scrapbooking kit:



Good luck. Closes 12.01am EST on 23rd June 2012